Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Things that kill me

In your twenty's you sift though unending phases of vocabulary slaughter. From the over use of certain adjectives like "super" and "legit" to the misuse of words like "literally" and "retarded". Pop culture encourages us to remove what grammar and punctuation we have left and replace it with various hip hip bars and/or movie quotes, whether it makes any sense or not. And of course we oblige, because frankly clear and proper communication is too mainstream. And like many of our generation, I too have unequivocally annihilated the true sentiment and meaning of words, that are now useless to me in sentence structure. One crucial point in my vocabulary phase was the substitution of  "Oh.My.Gosh" with "Dead". If a situation, a person, a type of food or anything that I see conjures a reaction similar to a heart attack, then I would simply be "Dead" and/or "be killed". So ultimately, what might be described as otherwise morbid and actually horrendous is an expression of euphoria and elation. So with that useless paragraph being said, this is a bunch of things that "kill me" as well as make me "dead".

Let's not be daft about this, this is the greatest thing to come out of the Southern Hemisphere since Super Rugby and Tim Tams. I eat this cereal every single day and every single time I die, no lie.

The end of every Game of Thrones episode:
I'm another death away from applying for a heart transplant, no one's safe not even me.

The RSA Springboks:
I mean what the hek are these boys made of? Valyrian steel with a hint of Smaug blood and slices of Jinchuriki DNA?

Peanut butter:
A good friend of mine recently asked me if I was seeing a "special someone". I told them yes, his name's PB. 

Anime Food:
I want it more than the actual edible food before me, in other words I am prepared to consume my computer screen.

Lupita Nyong'o on every red carpet:
I have no words to describe her ability to look like the most extraordinarily breathtaking human, then she throws a piece of heavenly tailored delight on and it's just "dead dead dead dead" from there. Two of my fav looks from her.

Acai Bowls:
I had my first one on a recent trip to Hawaii, and then proceeded to have one every day till I had to leave. The acai berry itself isn't sweet like one would assume, instead it has this beautiful bitter, dark chocolate and blackberry taste which is more evident as an after taste. It's prepared as a type of smoothie, which then becomes the canvas for crunchy granola, fresh fruit and honey for sweetness. I completely died with the first spoonful. And then my friends took me to a place where they put a ice cream scoop sized dollop of peanut butter on top and I went into cardiac arrest. Here's a pic of that same one.

Celtics vs Lakers: 
Finding out the Boston Celtics wins and losses record for the 2013-2014 season (25-57) were just as pathetic, if not more than the Lakers (27-55). I say more because while we were on the longest losing streak in Laker history (go team), the one team we happened to break that streak against was Boston. BECAUSE SHOOT I don't care if the Lakeshow lose every game, as long as it's not to Boston. It just made me exceptionally happy that even though we sucked beyond recognition, so did Boston.  

So tell me you bunch of clevers, what "kills" you?

(2nd image: Gabriel Olsen/Getty Images)

1 comment: